Parks & Wreck

My wife and I recently discovered Parks and Recreation on Netflix and we've been enjoying watching a few episodes at the end of our day. The show has some amazing writing and it really makes us laugh. But it's also a bit disturbing to me because of the overt bullying of the Jim O'Heir, aka Jerry Gergich.

I know that the show's characters are an exaggeration of real life personality types but kids don't. Young brains believe that what they see is real, especially during the concrete stage of development between the ages of 6-12, which coincide with the first 6 years of school when negative coping skills are often learned.

We develop most of our interpersonal coping strategies on the playgrounds of elementary school and we either use the skills we've been taught or those we've been exposed to. Media is an increasingly important component of information for young people about how the world works. As they continue to be "educated" by messages that often misrepresent the true nature and dangers of bullying, they may interpret our message of respect and consideration for others as unnecessary and even ridiculous.

I mention this not because I want TV to change or I think we, as educators, can control the types of shows our students are watching. I mention it because we need to be fully aware of how bullying is viewed outside of the halls of education so we're prepared to deal with the obvious contradictions our students see everyday.

Other examples of "do what I say, not what I do" are easy to find. Talk radio and network news casts are full of hate and negativity towards others which students can easily be exposed to in the car or at home. Parents often talk about co-workers and other adults with great distain and even the teacher's lounge can sometimes be guilty of clickish and mean.

What can we do? We can talk about the shows they're watching and how characters are being treated. We can talk about how most of us would feel if we were being treated that way. We can talk about how the news works and why it tends to be so negative. We can talk about why adults sometimes don't get a long and how we all could do a better job of following the golden rule.

We can talk about the difference between the human tendency to judge others from the inhuman tendency to act out on those judgements. We can talk about the difference between liking everyone and being civil to each other. We can be real and have an honest conversations about what's really going on and leave the the utopian rhetoric out of it. The more honest we are in our conversations with our students, the more they'll listen and respect what we have to say.

The Bully Byte Blog

The big push in health care is prevention. Exercise, eat right and have the yearly exams you need for early detection. Every time I hear one of those commercials, I think about the current debate around bullying. Is bullying something that just happens or is it a disease that grows out of years of neglect like a tumor? Does the child who eventually becomes the bully have contributing factors and bad personal habits that can be minimized with the appropriate intervention, education and practice? 

The answer is yes and this is where we need to start in our efforts to reduce bullying in our schools. No one will argue the devastating effects of real bullying on the life of a person, young or old, but most bullies aren’t born. Most bullies develop these negative coping strategies after years of compensating for poor skills and limited social success. And whether we like it or not, so do most victims.

Current legislation is focused almost entirely on dealing with the problem after it's already happening. The idea is that a Zero Tolerance policy against all things negative will protect the school. Prosecution and punishment will convince the bully to think twice before they tease another kid or send another nasty email. I live in California and the size of our prison system and the recidivism rate leads me to believe that education is the key to long-term change, not fear based policies.

Texas is debating how to deal with the problem and several of the state legislators have asked what behaviors constitute bullying? We don't even have national definition at this point. If there's as much bullying going on as we've been told, where are we going to put all these kids; alternative schools or jail? Are these bad people that can’t be helped or are they young people who need more education and intervention? If they need more training and positive role modeling, is this the responsibility of the school system? 

Finally, what is the role of social skills education and when should it be implemented; after the bully has been identified or as part of the fabric of education starting as soon as a child walks through our doors? Does the victim need help and if so, what kind of help and intervention do they need? We don't want to blame the victim but we also don't want to create a victim mentality that might follow an individual into later life. 

All these questions and more will be part of the Bully Bytes Blog. We'll look at the difference between conflict and bullying and give you tools to identify and work with both issues. We'll give you tools that will help you teach problem solving, motivation, social skills, conflict resolution and help you identify the bullies & victims in your mist. Thanks for your time and remember; punishment won't create the behaviors we want, they have to be taught. If not us, who; if not now, when.