The scariest thing for people like me is to feel vulnerable and when we do, we use anger and violence to regain the upper hand, if only for the moment. People like me don't know how to express our feelings and have an even harder time dealing with the feelings of others. We're okay with mad or glad, black or white and that's about it. And we also do funny. We like to laugh at others, but never at ourselves.
On the other hand, people like me were victims too. We grew up in places that weren't safe, raised by people who tried to control us to make themselves feel safe. We walked on eggshells and dreaded the sound of the car door slamming at the end of the day. We were taught how to bully by bullies. This is not an excuse, it's a call to action.
Why? Because I'm not that person anymore. I made a conscious choice to change and was lucky enough to have teachers who were willing to help me, not punish me. Punishing the bully is what we expect and will only codify our belief system about problem solving. We have to teach children how to feel and how to treat others not just pay lip service to it. Emotional intelligence is the key to long term success and personal satisfaction. People like me can learn a different way.
I didn't realize that until I was around some of my old bullies last week and realized I had actually changed. I'm truly grateful for my teachers who cared enough to not throw me away or let me fall through the cracks. One of the things they taught me how to do was to write about things that were bothering me. Sharing this with you really helped me feel better and as soon as I post this, I'm going to say yes to that invitation.
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