My Deepest Respect

Respect is an important word in our efforts to curb bullying but did you know there are 9 definitions for respect in the dictionary? As a noun, respect is defined as "deep admiration for someone or something based on their abilities or achievements" and as "due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights and traditions of others". As a verb, respect is defined as "to admire someone or something deeply" and as "to avoid harming or interfering with someone or something".

We tell children that we expect them to treat each other with respect but there's a huge difference between admiration and regard. It's essential that we teach children the basics and tell them exactly what we want and what that looks like. They're children, they don't have complete access to higher end cognitive skills like empathy and compassion yet. The brain doesn't get fully into the frontal lobe until after age 25.

In order to know something, we must name it. In order to solve a problem we must define it. I tell students all the time that we don't expect them to be best friends with everyone or even to like everyone. We simply expect them to do no harm. Children need to know that's it's okay to not get along with someone or to even vehemently dislike or disagree with another person world view but it's not okay to intentionally hurt that person over and over again for their own pleasure.

I worry that we give kids false expectations when we talk about everyone getting along and the world being one big happy place. Sure that's a direction to move toward, but the reality of the world they see everyday is not like that. If we can start by getting them to leave each other alone, we'll be making real progress.

Lao-tzu reminded us that "a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" and President Lyndon Johnson went on to say that "Peace is a journey of a thousand miles and it must be taken one step at a time". Let's start with the basics and focus on teaching children to do less harm and move forward from there.

In closing, I'd like to thank 2 people I truly admire and respect: Dana and Bob May. My brother is a Marine Major who has been deployed 5 times in the last 10 years and 16 of the last 21 months. Dana and Bob have 2 young children Conner and Grace, who Dana has done an amazing job of protecting and parenting in Bob's absence. This is the top of the pyramid when it comes to respect in my mind. But as with most things, it takes time and patience to get there.  Thank you Dana & Bob.